Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
My grandfather has passed. He left us on November 1st. It has almost been a month and it seems like yesterday. I always dread the call that I would received. Whenever the phone would ring and the caregivers name would come up on caller ID, my heart would stop. This time no relief was possible as the news I fear had finally happened. I was knowing that it would come and I feel I was more prepared for it then when my grandmother died. With that said, I guess you can only be prepared so much. The first thing I thought of was that I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks. I had planned on seeing him the previous weekend but I got sick and I didn't want to get close to anyone at the group home. I felt like I had abandoned him.
I will have to cut this short. It is late and I need to go to bed. I am tired and a bit sad with thinking about this so rest is in order I presume. I will try harder to get on here and write more to all of my fans (har har har).
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Today we started off our day with going to my grandfather's house to pick up a few things. We had gotten a late night last night and so we were a bit tired and came home and took a nap.
Josh had the great idea of going to Cinetopia and having dinner and a movie. We decided to go see Planet of the Apes in there living room theater. It is the greatest place. They have a grand auditorium and a living room. All seats are leather upholstered and extra wide, they also recline. The living room is for those over 21 years old because you can serve alcohol in there. They also have ottomans to put your feet up and then a pit at the bottom where you can lay down with a lot of pillows. They take your order and then bring you your meal. The food is great but a bit expensive.
Josh had two slices of pieces and some fries with a drink and I had some mac and cheese with chicken and a drink. We went and saw "Rise of the Planet of the Apes." I was a bit nervous at first because sometimes Apes scare me. Additionally, I knew it would be a bit sad and I hate watching things that are sad.
The movie was such an emotional roller coaster. I am very sensitive when it comes to animals and this was no exception. There were many times I was just in tears and trying so hard not to be loud in the theater. I couldn't help it, I just kept crying. The story was moving and it just kept going at a steady pace. There was never a dull moment throughout the whole things. If I wasn't crying, I was thought provoked and in suspense to see what happens next. The main ape was so lifelike and human it just hit me hard. It made me think of how special my dogs are to me and how they are like my children. I can't give out too much but it was sooooo good.
We then stopped quick at Fred Meyers, picked up another movie and Josh and I both got something. Josh got a new CD that he wanted and I got a great backpack that is purple with pink designs. And here we are, just got home, let the dogs out, fed them and sitting down for a movie.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Today Josh and I went to the Clark County Fair for the first time since we have lived in Vancouver. I think that would be seven years now. Hard to believe we waited so long huh? Anyway we got a late start today as Josh worked until late in the morning. We decided to take the shuttle bus there and I am so glad that we did. It saved on not only gas but time and also headaches.
When we got there we went into the exhibition/vendor area. I always like going to these because I love to buy things. Of course I need to monitor myself but it is fun to look regardless. We saw a lot of vendors there but unfortunately it wasn't that exciting. I do get irritated with vendors and all of the ways they try to sell you on things. The ones who jump out at you and push their product are one of the most annoying ones. Or what about the ones who try to be all sweet and play the nice card. e had one lady try to sell us stuff because she was telling us the hard story of how horrible sales have been. Lastly there are the assholes who act like assholes. They jump in front of you and push. Even when you say no they still push you and don't let go. The one thing I wasn't expecting was to see so many different religious groups there with booths. Not that I have anything wrong with that but I just always saw those areas as those for vendors. There were a lot of signs asking if you were going to heaven or things like that. It always makes me uncomfortable to have people come up to me about that because I just don't think anyone should push their values on others. This is MY personal opinion. The way I see it, let those believe what they want to believe. It is their life and their choice. All I can worry about is myself and my beliefs.
Anyway continuing on with our day... Josh ended up getting a legal butterfly knife (which I picked out the handle design) and in that area I didn't get anything :-( Well not because I didn't want to but I was trying to be real careful with how I spent my money. I did find this great little booth with purses where you can interchange the pieces. I really wanted one of those for my ipad but wasn't sure if it would fit. I got their card so I can check it out online. It is called Miche Bag. I will let you know how the research goes. I also came across a book booth which I LOVE kids books so I really wanted to buy from there and was planning on going to but we ran out of time on our way back :-(. I did manage to buy some cool sunglasses though so Josh and I both came out with something :-) Oh and the place where Josh bought his butterfly knife had these cool cases that are meant for cigarettes but you can put your business cards and other stuff in them. Well I was looking at one that had this button. I kept pushing it and couldn't figure out what it did. Well I found out it had a light on it and burned my pointer finger a bit. I found out late that Josh burnt his too but he didn't want to say anything. I felt like a big baby and pretty stupid.
We then had some dinner (small) which consisted of a Gyro (sp?) for Josh and a meatball sub for me. The sub was awesome but Josh didn't care for the Gyro that much. Then we kind of meandered around the area and headed to where the livestock were. We saw this huge pig with about 8 little piglets around her trying to get food. They were so cute they would oink and then chase after each other trying to play. It was the cutest thing to see them playing with one another. Then we saw this baby goat who was on top of those plastic play structures that you can buy. It was so soft and loved to be touched. It just stood there and let you pet it and had this look of content on it's face. We also took a peak in the "Wild" section where there was a crocodile, porcupine, snakes, and some different kinds of felines but I cannot remember their names. I did however get a great video of a baby Bengal tiger playing with a box and it's blanket. It was so cute to watch and it was having a lot of fun entertaining itself.
It started to get a bit dark so we headed over to the rides. We walked by "Boppin Bo's Burgers" and saw my co-worker Sean there. We dropped by and said hi and commended him on how hard he was working. He had been working there for 10 days straight from start to end and was beat. After saying quick hellos and goodbyes we then bought some ride tickets and walked into the danger zone.
First Josh had to win me a prize. We chose the balloon busting booth where he popped 3 balloons out of 4 and won me a teddy bear. The bear is now known as Clark (get it, Clark County). Then we headed to the rides
Our first experiment was on the Scrambler. Ok my legs must have shrunk or the ride is higher up because it was almost impossible to jump in that thing. I made it finally but man I had to leap into it. I felt so bad for Josh because he was in the spot that gets the most pressure when you go around and around. I was trying so hard not to ram him as we went around but I couldn't help it. We must be getting old because we both didn't remember it ever going that fast. Yikes!
Next stop was the ferris wheel which is normally not my thing. I don't like heights and if I do have to go up high then I like to be in a more confined space where I can feel that I am secure. Well we got in the car but it was circular so there was a lot of room. Josh sat on the opposite side of me which was totally freaking me out because he wasn't right beside me. Before he could move over we started going up and I was really anxious. We went around several times but it didn't get better. Finally he moved over but then the cart started to tilt. This freaked me out more and so he moved back to where he had been. Poor guy, I guess I wasn't that good of a rider on that ride.
Next we went on the, well not sure what it is called. It is like the rock and roller ride at Oaks Park. It is like a carousel but with carts that as you go around they lift up from the force of the spin. We went on that one and it was a lot of fun. Josh was woohooing and I was laughing. It was a bit more bumpy then usual but it was still fun to go around and around. Again, it was faster than I remember. Funny how things change when you are hunger. I wish they wouldn't.
Lastly, we were running low on time but decided to chance one last ride. I hate to admit this but I think it was a kiddy ride but what the hell. It was called "The Windsurfer." You sit on these things that look like windsurfing crafts and you spin around and the crafts move outward. I have always wanted to try these types of rides but have been a bit scared. This got me used to it so maybe next time I will try the adult kind. AHAHAHAh!
Now I really wanted to go on the Gravitron which is where you go inside and the thing goes around so fast it kid of lifts you up from the force. Josh in no way wanted to that one and I was too chicken to go by myself. Maybe I can find the courage to do it myself next time.
After the last ride it was 10:45pm and we headed to the shuttle area. There were several shuttles leaving from there to various areas in Vancouver. The one we were on was jammed pack that there was no standing room left. Thankfully after about ten minutes waiting, the shuttle didn't leave until 11pm, another shuttle was called in to take some of the passengers. So Josh and I hopped off the full one and sat leisurely in the other one. We even got to the mall before the other bus did. The whole ride took about 12 minutes. I mean if we had driven in our car we would still had been in traffic trying to get out of the park grounds. It was definitely the best way to go!
Needless to say we are tired but in a good way. We were still pretty hungry and so we ordered a pizza and watched a movie. It was nice to do something fun for a change since we have been doing so much work.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Friday was probably the craziest day. We had an appraiser come in early we thought to look at pretty much anything that we thought could be of value. Well we hoped he would be able to look at everything. Unfortunately he was very specific as to what he wanted and so we weren't able to get much of any information from him. So we started this sale at 12, well that was the plan. The appraiser and us got there at 10. Someone started to come in at 10:30 to start shopping at our garage sale. Unfortunately we let them in and that just began the hurricane of people.
When we first started the project, we decided to put all trash in this huge pile or make a pile in the back yard. Anything that was trash we just threw into a pile. This was anywhere from papers to broken things to just garbage. Well not long after the sale began, probably around maybe 12 we looked outside and people were in the garbage pile . They were actually digging through the pile to find stuff. Now Josh had put up the sign over the patio part that said free. I guess they assumed that meant the pile too. After watching them, I then decided well if they're going to go digging then maybe we should get something out of it since this was technically still our stuff. So I grabbed some garbage bags and I went outside. I told them that if they filled up the garbage bag they could pay five dollars for whatever was in it. everybody just stopped what they were doing. Then they slowly got up, and backed away from the pile. It was Hilarious. Then after maybe a couple minutes they grabbed a bag and started diggin.
more to come....
Sunday, August 7, 2011
. Okay so stupid me. I sat outside at the garage sale and purposely went in the shade. Somehow I manage to get a really bad sunburn. So on top of being sore and exhausted, I am now sunburnt on my shoulders and the front and back part of my neck and upper chest. I read that vinegar helps but we are all out of it. So I had to send Josh out to get me something from the store. Even though he's exhausted and just plain tired he is still going to go to the store and get me something. I love him.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
i am so frustrated - josh's work changed his schedule last minute which means we can't do what we had planned
bus is hard for me to do right now as I am not feeling too well, would be so much easier to drive - sigh - just need to suck it up - things can't get done on their own I guess
Friday, July 8, 2011
I AM SORRY EVERYONE but your information wasn't compromised, they just wanted people to respond to the email to get information from them
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
The whole day was fantastic. Of course we were a bit late in starting but that was really just a slight hang up. Everyone was so nice and happy and it seemed like everyone really enjoyed themselves. I will have so many good memories from it. I saw some old family and met with some old friends and saw some of my new friends. I can't say how much fun it is.
Now it seems official but I think it will feel more official when I can officially change my last name. I don't know what it is but it just seems to be the final piece that I need to fit.
Right now it is the fireworks time. The dogs are hating the loud noise and here it is 12:30am and someone just let another one off and it is so loud. This year they seem to be so much louder more than usual and I feel horrible for my doggies. They get so distraught over it and there is not much we can do but give them benedryl to help keep them calm. Tomorrow is the fourth of July which was my Grandma's birthday.
On the fifth is the anniversary of the death of my father-in-law. He will have been gone a year now and it seems like just yesterday. I can't believe it and I know that it is hard for Josh and his family. We are heading out to Port Orchard tonight when Josh comes home. Josh wants to be with his family and I don't blame him at all. So I hope he will be all right. I worry about him so much. I just pray that it will get easier for him.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Today is Josh's birthday and unfortunately we weren't able to spend any time together which is sad for me. I wanted to spend his bday with him but he had to work. He had this last weekend off but we didn't know that until the last minute. So we need to squeeze in some bday stuff this weekend. He will be working through the week so it will be a challenge. He is working so hard and I am very proud of him.
I can't believe in 9 days we are getting married. It seemed to take forever and now that we are here I can't believe it. We have a lot of stuff done but still have a few more things to work out. We are waiting on a head count o we can figure out what we are doing for food. I am kind of bummed because so many people can't make it and some people haven't even rsvp'd to say yes or no. Oh well I guess but still they will be miss for those that can't come.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Grandpa is in rehab again. He has a small fracture in the hip area. It is inoperable so he just needs to rest. We will have to wait to see what the next step is as far as living arrangements.
Monday, May 16, 2011
We live in a world of labels, medications, easy fixes, etc. So what s real anymore? What is authentic and original if we are all products of all of those things? I am sure nothing I say is profound as others have said it many times before but still... I want to know where the line is and what makes someone cross it and others not to.
Sometimes I look at what is going in my life and wonder why it is the way it is. You know that saying that is "God only gives you what He thinks you can handle?" Well what if God is way to optimistic about my abilities and what I can handle? Then what happens? Does my brain short and I crumble to pieces? What if failure isn't an option? What if not matter what is thrown at me I do not crumble? What if I keep on strong and push and push until I am through it? At what point do I get a break to relax and rest myself?
I heard about compassion fatigue syndrome? It is a gradual lessening of compassion over time. What happens when the people around you have sucked the life from you and you have nothing left? What a horrible feeling but understandable. I think anyone, even those with the purist of intentions, can be exposed to that. After a while you give and give and then there is nothing left. What do you do then? No one wants to be a cold empty shell of what they used to be do they?
I guess I find myself rambling but I really wonder about these things. I find myself taking care of both my grandfather and my mother. My grandfather is 94 years old and my mom 51 year old. My grandfather is dealing with old age issues and my mother mental health issues. Sometimes I am very tired and all i want to do is just sit and do nothing at all. Sometimes just sitting in silence sounds wonderful. Then there are times when others around me are crying and I find myself not doing so. I think that is the way I cope. I focus so heavily on the logistics and what needs to be done that I push my feelings aside so they can't get in the way of my goal or mission so to speak. I am sure that isn't healthy but it is all I know.
I remember when my grandmother died around 11 years ago this month. She was sick for about a year or more and it happened pretty rapidly. I was in college and going with my grandfather every day to the hospital so that I could gather information to pass on to the family and also help my grandfather because his hearing wasn't so good. I remember just sitting in the room with my grandmother doing my homework and preparing for tests. As her health deteriorated things became more complicated as they usually do. My grandmother was so set on staying at home and wouldn't think about another option. I wanted her to go to a facility to receive better care. God I felt like a bitch as i would talk to her and she would look at me as if I didn't care. But I didn't have a nursing degree and I couldn't help her and keep her safe from getting hurt. She was so fragile you know.
I remember at one time a man came over to talk with her about options of places to go. After he left she bounced back and was trying to walk and everything. In my mind I thought that maybe all she needed was a bit of a threat to push her. So when she got sick again I remember telling her that we needed to look into other options. She was barely able to eat, unable to move or get out of bed to use the bathroom. One move from my grandpa and I and she could crack her hip. She had lost so much weight I mean if life was hard for her now I couldn't imagine making it worse by hurting her more.
That night I tried to help her eat some applesauce and talked to her about our options. I had spoken to hospice earlier and was trying to come to terms with what they had said. She had dementia so she argued with me a bit about a small dog in the room but eventually fell asleep. I checked on her several times and then went out to the living room to watch TV.
After that my brain went into autopilot i guess because I started going over what needed to be done. My uncles needed to be called and also my mother. What will happen when the ambulance comes, what are the next steps? I need to contact my professors to let them know I need to postpone finals. Oh I have a meting tomorrow I need to postpone too.
After that things were taken care of and I worked with my grandpa on many things for the funeral.
Wow well i don't know why I felt it necessary to share that. I talk about what happened but I don't think I have written it down. Everything comes with time I guess.
So i guess the point of all of this was, well i am not sure. Right now I have 2 people to take care of, 3 dogs as well, a job, a fiancee and a wedding to plan. Now none of that is an excuse but just trying to put things into perspective for myself. In the back of my mind I keep wanting to have a baby eventually. I wonder if there will ever be time to focus on trying to start a family of our own.
Ok well that is it for now.
Monday, May 9, 2011
He did get silverware plates cops things to drink. it adds up and by the time you add it all up you're spending a fortune. I don't know really what the best answer is at this point. I think were going to go with a buffet and a potluck. That way people can bring something they like and we can all share and celebrate. Hopefully it's not considered tacky or rude. a lot of people talk about this as a good option and I hope it is. Several people talked about chicken and other people bring like salads and stuff like that. I read somewhere that if you can't afford to feed your guests then you probably should cut your list. I understand that but the other part is that I want these people to be involved and I don't want to exclude someone because we can't afford to feed everybody. I don't know if that makes any sense or not but it's how I feel. Don't even talk about the cake. Josh and I are just going with a couple Costco cakes. I'm not trying to make this sound like we're settling. I don't want it to be fancy shmancy or some cheap little shindig. I just wanted it to be nice and fun. That's my biggest concern is for it to be fun and reflect Josh and I. But of course money is an issue and so we have to plan accordingly. I think I worry too much.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Still working on wedding plans, starting to feel the pressure and getting a bit stressed but it is a god stressed I guess.
I just have this heavy feeling on me tonight. I am tired and going to bed. I am not sure what it is or caused by but hopefully it will lift tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The vet tech called around 1pm to tell us everything went fine and she was recovering well. They even said that we could bring her home the same day. We were thrilled that everything went well but scared because keeping Mia quiet is like trying not to let a fish swim. I mean it is impossible. The vet said we need to keep her quiet for 10 days! Are they kidding! I asked them for some meds to help make her sleepy because she is so stubborn that it is impossible.
We picked her up about 4:30 and she was very awake. The doc had originally prescribed us benedryl but i told them that was not going to work at all. So they gave us something more. Getting her in the car was so difficult. It is right under her arm pit kind of and it is hard to grab her and not grab that area. Of course she is trying to jump and move around and that only makes it worse. She was crying the whole way home. I was just so upset to see her in pain. I got her right home and put her in her crate where she could be safe and warm. I then got out her antibiotics, pain meds, and sedation meds. I gave them all to her and she was knocked out.
It turned out to be a good thing because as predicted she wanted to be all over the place and it was so hard to keep her calm and not jumping out of my arms. We went outside later and she didn't do anything which I understood. Then later we tried again and tried to sit on the couch. Of course this lasted only a bit and then she was antsy and just wanted back in her bed.
So tonight I am without a Mia in the bed. She is downstairs in her crate because I didn't want to move her or carry her upstairs and risk the chance of dropping her. I miss her already. i love that little one.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I was pretty worried to have the responsibility of President as I have never been one. But I have to be confident in myself since a lot of other people are otherwise they wouldn't have nominated me. So I need to check into what the role entails so that I am prepared. I am excited but scared as well. More to come..
Sunday, April 3, 2011
We had to take some blood so that we could find out what was really wrong with him. That night I was very upset but tried so hard not to think about it because I knew that if I did I would crumble and then I wouldn't be able to function. I guess a part of me thought that maybe it would be fine and not to think about it. But we got the call saying that yes he was in renal failure and we knew what we had to do. I couldn't leave work
i can't talk about it anymore
love ya louie!!!!!!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
The frustrating part is I want to cry, I think I need to. There is so much happening and so much hurt and pain and mix of emotion. I am afraid that if I start I won't stop. It would be like opening the flood gates and that scares me. I hate losing control like that and I want to keep it together. I need to for other people's sake I guess. I will start to cry and then it will stop after only a few seconds or whatever. Anyway I will have more information later. This is just really hard for me.
What happens when you run out of emotion? Have you ever had someone in your life that, after a certain time you don't know how to feel or what to feel. You search inside yourself and can only find this empty hole where the emotion is supposed to go? Like as if someone dug it and it is waiting to be filled. What if you cannot find the material to fill it? Does it become this empty spot in your soul? I am not sure what happens next. What happens when no matter what anyone says, you still cannot feel? Can someone use up all of their energy on something so much and to such intensity that after a while they are just indifferent? Does that make them a monster or a human?
I see these things happen all around me and it makes me wonder. How much can a person take? I know the say "God only gives us what He thinks we can handle." Sometimes I think He has too much faith in me. Other questions pop up in my head. Can someone use up all of their love on someone and still have love for others? Does one bad relationship or situation serve as a chain on their heart which takes much force to break? I hope not.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
I am now taking care of my mom's eldest dog. His name is Louie and he is 13 years old. He is blind and death and unfortunately has accidents. This is kind of new to me as I haven't worked with a dog like this. He is very special to me but still a lot of work. We found a nice laundry basket to use for his bed at night so that way he isn't wondering around and or wouldn't fall off of the bed.
Sometimes I feel like I am responsible for everyone. I feel like no matter what I do it is never enough and there is always something else to do. Someone said to me a few days ago "Do you really think now is the best time to plan a wedding?" The wedding is the only thing that gives me joy at the moment. It is something to look forward to, to be excited about.
Anyway that is it for tonight. Take care all
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
1. June 26th all day event
2. purple is the color
3. so far 4 bridesmaids, 1 maid of honor, 1 best man, 2 flower girls and 1 ring dog (Caely)
4. Have a dress, officiant, possible photographer and cake maker
5. Shopping for bridesmaids dresses and maybe accessories for me next friday
6. Registry started at Bed Bath and Beyond, still need to do Target
7. Finalizing guest list
I am sure there is more but can't remember ahahaah it is late
why is it that there isn't some sort of state certification of service, companion animals where the animals must pass requirements in order to be around the public? Some one educate me if there is. I think there is so much more to a helper dog then just saying you trained your own or just putting a sign or something on them. I put a lot more faith in an organization that raises, trains and test their animals to make sure they are appropriate to send out with their handlers. Just my opinion
Sunday, March 20, 2011
My grandpa is now back to his apartment at Van Mall. Unfortunately when he came back the place was on quarantine because a lot of residents were sick. So that wasn't the best way to come out of a rehab center. Luckily we had gone to the lake after he came out and walked around a lot so he had gotten some good air and exercise. He is doing well and enjoying be able to get out and do things on his own. I am happy for him too because I can only guess how tired and bored he was being in the rehab facility.
We are also helping out my mom for a bit. She is staying with us for a short time until we can get my grandpa's house fixed up. Unfortunately it isn't able to be lived in and so we need to change it and get it to livable conditions.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I have been sick all weekend which isn't a surprise since every time we have a long weekend I get sick. I am very sick of it ahahaha. I have been in bed not doing anything and it drives me nuts. I haven't had much of a meal at home because I can't cook with my hand. Maybe that is an excuse but it is really hard. So I have been eating a lot of junk food. I think I have gained weight because of it. That just depresses me more but I can get back on track. It is just gonna take me a while.
We have moved the date of the wedding. Having it on a Friday made it too difficult to really enjoy ourselves. We are hoping we can make it work on a Sunday evening so that way people can come for it and maybe only have to miss a day of work if they do so choose.
I am working on the date. Kind of feel like I am back to square one. However the date of the wedding just wasn't going to work for many different reasons.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
So doing anything is pretty much impossible. In fact, the only reason I am blogging is because I am using a dictation software on my iPhone. That's the cool part about an iPhone or really technology nowadays. It makes it so that not much is impossible. However I still have to be somewhat loose it and order for my posting to make sense. Right now I'm not so much in pain but very uncomfortable. However I took a Percocet couple of hours ago and so probably still feeling the effects of that. I'm not one to medicate myself very often and I don't really like to so I am pretty conservative when it comes to pain medication. Anyway I'm pretty uncomfortable most of the time because I can't really do anything with it. So it makes a lot of everyday chores and work pretty impossible. The worst part right now besides it being uncomfortable is the fact that it itches. I can't do anything about it which drives me nuts. I guess it's good I can't do much with it. I think I remember last time doing a lot more with my right hand when I probably shouldn't have. So I really have to take care of it. Unfortunately I have to keep this big thing on my left hand until Thursday. Hopefully I can stay seen until then.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
So got music figured out, getting great decorations at Michaels and Dollar Store and invitations through email. We are working on location which we will look at Tuesday. Started a guest list but not totally sure if we are finished with that.
Gosh I pray I can stay on track this week.
At the end of the week I have to tell you I threw all caution out of the window and ate a bit too much. I felt so bad that I had strayed. On top of that I couldn't muster up the energy to work out. I know that is a very lame excuse but it is what I have. I was so mentally and emotionally not to mention physically exhausted I just couldn't do it. When something happens twice in one week, people say I had a right to get all upset. However when I look back at the situation it only makes me worry. Yeah maybe it was expected, but I see it as a personal weakness that I got so upset. I let my guard down at work and that doesn't make me feel any better.
So anyway, needless to say it wasn't a good week. It was a pretty crappy week and one that I don't want repeated. Hopefully the next week will be better.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Today I looked at hairstyles> i am going for an updo with a tiara. I am not a big veil person. For shoes, simple flat shoes or maybe ballet like shoes like slippers. There is no way I can do heels! Also I looked at a few places to have it. I need a place inside that is very inexpensive.
Very excited and many things to do.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
So here we are. Today I went out with my 3 girlfriends from work. Unfortunately my maid of honor isn't here but in Minnesota but I am communicating with her via text and everything. We went dress shopping. I have to admit at first I was not excited. I was not looking forward to it because I hate look at myself and I hate dresses. It just seemed not that exciting. Plus I always wanted to be thin for my wedding and I am obviously not. But if I wait too long who knows what will happen.
The girls were so excited. We went out to brunch and it was fabulous. The food was amazing which is ironic because here I am looking for dresses and eating a buffet brunch. But I was ok with that. We ate and then made our way to the shop. I wasn't hopeful to find much because first of all dresses are so expensive. I figured we would go to David's Bridal and find something and then look for something somewhere that is the same or close to it.
I like to plan and so before I went I went online at David's Bridal and took out some pictures that I liked of dresses from the website. I walked in with papers in hand and the girls just went for it. They ran over to my size section and started pulling out dresses. It was amazing because they were looking for me and would show me things. I was shocked because I didn't have to do a lot of work on my own. We kept finding dresses. We found I think most of the dresses I had seen on the website and even more. They kept jumping up and down waiting for a room to open up for me. It was so sweet. Yet I wasn't yet excited. I saw all of these beautiful women in thin pretty gowns. I was expecting much.
Once we got back there the game was on. I got a nice strapless bra that goes partially down to the waist and a slip. After that, it was go for the dresses. We would try one on and then I would come out and get pictures taken. The most amazing part was hearing the oooo's and the awwww's. People were saying I was beautiful. Me? I even had one woman come up to me and tell me how beautiful I looked. I couldn't believe it. A woman I didn't even know telling me how pretty I looked. After that my spirits went up.
I am not big or good at making decisions. I often cave in and go with majority. However, the ladies were awesome at making sure it was all MY decision. I tried on 8 dresses I think. I was shocked at how one look at the mirror and it was "Nope, not this one." Dress number 2,3,4 and 8 were my favorite. Oh man it was tiring but still fun because people were pampering me and smiling and exited. This made me so happy and feeling special. So after I tried on all of them I looked at the four pictures I had of the dresses. I nixed dresses 2 and 3. They were beautiful but just didn't look as good as dress 4 and 8. Each time I sent a picture to Melissa to update her on what was going on. She was so supportive. So it was down to two dresses. Lisa, Michelle and Teri liked dress number 4 and Melissa liked dress 8. As I looked at the dress and myself I just felt that number 4 was what I wanted. I felt beautiful and loved the way it felt and looked. So boom there we have it.
Now let's talk price. Oh the topic I hate. So this was the LAST day of the Bridal gown special. The two dresses were around the same price and about I think $450 and I got it a lot cheaper than that and it was beautiful. I mean it was awesome and totally in my budget. I was elated and so were the ladies. I thought how lucky I was. Here I thought I would just look and I find a dress the first time looking, in one afternoon and on sale. Lucky me!
As we left I felt so pretty and special. But yet it still hasn't hit me. I mean I keep thinking about it and I felt wonderful but not there yet. As it comes closer I know it will change. In the mean time i need to maintain my workouts and watching what I eat. The ladies have lots of ideas and I am hopeful but still a lot to do... :-)
Sorry guys although I want post a picture I can't, it is a surprise.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Right now we are thinking around April to June but haven't pinpointed a location yet. It kind of depends on what we can afford which isn't a lot right now. Next weekend we are going to a bridal show and will see what they have to offer. We just can't go crazy. I already know the color which actually is just one color. Are you supposed to have 2? I just want lavender as it is so beautiful and purple is my favorite anyway. Flowers are going to be bought at Micheal's I think and then getting plates and stuff from Party City. Then I have my Ipod to blast music and have fun with.
This is just bits here and bits there so it will come together. i also think I will send out invitations through the Internet like evite or something.... So much to do but kind of fun.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I guess this question wouldn't haunt me so much if it weren't for that damn Wii. I love the Wii! It is a great way to keep up with your workouts, monitor your weight and keep yourself motivated. I wonder about the motivation part though. I guess you can be motivate if you feel the unrelenting urge to prove to the little damn Wii board that you are not "obese" as he says in his tiny voice. This board person is a wii board with each corner of it serving as either an arm or a leg to make it appear more human. Could it also be motivating when you don't show up on the Wii for three days and it says that it forgot who you are? And aren't I the schmuck who goes back to my profile to make sure I clicked on the right Mii. Haha very funny wi board! You got me, even electronics can make funnies.
So anyway I am trying to use the Wii more and more to help keep myself honest and on track. I just wish that the wii board would be a bit kinder to me. Maybe instead of saying "that's obese" and my mii hanging her head in shame.... maybe we could say "that's really big boned" and having my mii put her hand on her hip with attitude? At least then we could keep some dignity. But don't get me wrong. I do enjoy using the machine and find it fantastic. I just like to think about the little things. This is what gets me into trouble....
So tonight I bought Just Dance 2 and tried it out. I am excited because this seems like a lot of fun. I can dance and then count my time in my Wii fit program. Maybe later I will buy a workout one and a Zumba one. Go Wii board and your little "that's obese" phrase too!!!!
I asked him how he was doing.... "Sleeping." was his response with a big laugh. I was very appreciative of his smile and good humor. I showed him a pair of shoes that I bought him over the weekend. When I took them out to put them on he just laughed at me. "I guess I have bigger feet then you thought." he said. "No," I say "I am just not a good judge of shoe size." We both had a chuckle.
He then began telling me about his working out routine. It was great watching him show me how he moves the equipment and what not. I told him I was proud of him and that he needed to keep it up. So after some more chatting and good laughs I promised him I would go back to the drawing board and try to get him some bigger sized shoes.
As I drove away I was comforted to know that he still has the strength and push in him to keep working. There were some days I wasn't sure how far we were going to go. I know he had had another stroke as it had shown in his slowing of his speech. I also knew he was really frustrated with everything and tired as well. However this visit gave me more hope that his attitude has taken a turn for the better. I just like to see him happy, whatever that means for him is what I wish for him. As long as he is happy then I am all right with that.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
I was able to go to Walmart and get some things so that I could feel better. We also picked up a harness for Mia and two collars for Mia and Joey. The coolest one was that we got a little jacket for Mia which is like a few shades of purple. Once I feel better I will put it on her and then take some pictures of it. I think it is going to be adorable.
Anyway I hope that I can kick this faster than I did the last one. I hate being sick and then missing out on m weekends. The other frustrating part is that I wanted to go see my grandfather this weekend. Well I am more reluctant to do so when I am sick. I was able to write him an email and then send it to the social worker. She then printed it out and gave it to him so that he could read it. That makes me feel better and I know that he knows that he isn't alone.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Anyway, today was a good day. Work went well and wasn't too stressful which is all right with me. I need less stress :-) I was able to come home and get to work out a bit. Later tonight I watched "Easy A" which was not painful at all but rather funny. In contrast to that, I am ashamed to admit I am watching Piranha as we speak. I am not hopeful at all. it is kind of watching a train wreck. You know you shouldn't and it is going to be bad but you can't just look away.
So as I believe I have mentioned before, my plan is for Josh and I to get married this year. We are still working on the location and date but have good ideas on what we want for some things. Anyway, I am already looking at dresses and deciding for myself what I like. I am so easily influenced by others that I want things to be of my own choosing. This should be exciting tomorrow. I hope I have a good idea of what I am getting tomorrow. More news to come, stay tuned.....
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
On the positive side I am trying to get things going with a wedding for Josh and I I am going to look at dresses this week. i will either buy one (has to be low priced) or try to see if I can have one made. We don't have a lot of money so I need to be smart about all of this. I plan to look at dresses by next Monday. So we shall see.
Monday, January 10, 2011
I came home and emptied the trash, did a load of laundry and unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. After that I got on my Wii and worked out for 30 minutes. It was fun but the aerobic section is limited. Over the Christmas Break I got to play Just Dance on the Wii at Josh's sister's house. It was real fun! I decided I want to get it so that I can just have fun and dance and keep myself moving regularly. I also found out that there is a game for Zumba on the Wii and some more workout ones. So I am kind of excited to get some different kinds so that I can mix it up. The Wii tracks your activities but you can also put in other things you did outside of their own things. I am hoping I can pick up a game soon. Right now I am doing hula hoops, step aerobics and short distance running. I love dancing and so that would be fun. I took danced for around 10 years. I loved everyone minute of it. I wish I could get myself back in shape so that I could do more of it.
Anyway, I am glad that I worked out today. Even though it is just one day, I have to take it one day at a time. If I look too far ahead I can get off track. So each day is a new day to obtain new goals. Unfortunately tonight I haven't been feeling well, kind of been sick. I hope it passes so I am good for work tomorrow.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
So my goal is to lose a few pounds this month. I am trying to keep my goals smaller so that they are more obtainable. So today I started working out. I am using the Wii fit that I have to start out with. I haven't used it in a long time. I decided to begin by doing only 20 or so minutes today. I figured starting out small and then building up so I can build stamina. So all I can do is try to stay positive.
I am also trying to balance out my food intake which in itself is a challenge too. Sometimes I just end up hating food. It is hard to explain why, sometimes I am not even sure why. I am trying to have more water and then increase my fruits and vegetables. I wish I liked that V8 juice that gives you all of those veggies. I can't stand the taste and I have tried.
So there you go, we will see what we see. Ok, at first I thought this was going to be an interesting post. Now I must apologize if you are totally bored. Just a last thought, if there is anyone who reads this, either now or in the future, I want to keep this blog positive. So no negative comments or put downs to anyone who writes or responds or whatever. Negativity isn't good for anyone and doesn't help either person, the one posting it or the one who reads it. Thanks
Monday, January 3, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
So at about one o'clock we headed over to a tattoo place that we went to last time when Josh got his big Dragon tattoo. This time we got someone else to do his tattoo and he decided to have it put on his upper left part of his shoulder.
I was trying to get a video of it but he was self-conscious so I just took some pictures. I'm not quite sure how long the whole process took for him maybe it was in an hour. or it Yesterday was the first day of January of the year 2011 and one of my presents for Josh was for him to get a tattoo. This isn't just any tattoo it was meant to be a special tattoo just for him to honor the memory of his father who passed away in July. He designed his own tattoo which was a picture of A fish and over the top of it was the word dad and underneath it was his date of birth and his date of death. I'm going to try and post the picture on this website here so you can see it.
So at about one o'clock we headed over to a tattoo place that we went to last time when Josh got his big Dragon tattoo. This time we got someone else to do his tattoo and he decided to have it put on his upper left part of his shoulder. It seems longer but that's because I was having not such of a great day. I been sick all day and I'm not sure what caused it. I wasn't sure if maybe the food from the night before caused it or maybe the Starbucks coffee I had caused it. However I was feeling really sick so it seemed like it was taking forever. As the process continued Josh stayed calm and handled it very well. He said that at some times he wouldn't even feel anything but then other times it was really sensitive and really hurt. When it was finished it looked really really good.
After he was done his sister Jamie had remarked on how good it looked and she indicated she really liked the writing that was above the fish and the writing that was below the fish. So her and Josh talked about it and she asked him if it would be okay if she took the writing from his tattoo and had that part placed over the picture of her tattoo which is of a Tweetie bird. Josh's dad really liked Tweety Bird so she wanted that writing around it as another memorial to him. Josh had no problem with that and so she went in right after him and got going.
Originally I wanted to get another tattoo with him at the same time but Josh told me back then that he wanted it to be a private occasion. So I decided to wait on that. But then after he had talked to Jamie, I asked if it would to be okay if I got another tattoo. I wanted to make sure that he was perfectly okay with it before I even thought about doing it. He said that would be okay and so I decided that I would get another tattoo. Earlier we had shown Ann, who's the owner, a tattoo of Betty Boop that I got last time. Everyone always commented that she looked a lot darker than she normally should be. So we asked her if she could redo the color. She looked at it and was surprised it was so dark. She then said that she wouldn't charge anything to fix it. Which was quite a relief for us.
Previously to this I always thought that I'd want to get a Chinese or Japanese symbol for the word teacher because that's kind of how I see myself. But as time went on I began wondering if there was another symbol or something else that might resemble closer to how I view myself. When I got there and started thinking about the new year, since it was January first, I thought about things that I should be doing for myself or things that are dear to me. I looked through the symbols that they had and found the symbol for the word balance. It was a two shaped tattoo and was very appealing to me somehow. I thought that would be a good choice for me because this year I really want to work on balancing my life.
As I was getting the tattoo done on my upper right shoulder, I thought maybe it would be cool to have the symbol outlined in black and then on the inside be filled with purple. I love purple, it's my favorite color, and so it just seems natural to fill it with purple as a way to symbolize balance with the things that I love.
As I was getting the tattoo done it was really similar to what Josh said. Sometimes it would feel like nothing was being done to me, and then sometimes there would be this one spot where, when it was touched, would just shoot pain up in my shoulder. They say that when you get a tattoo, the tracing, which is the outline, that always hurts the most but then the actual filling in of the tattoo doesn't hurt as much. I asked Ann what exactly that meant and why that was. I thought maybe it was because the needles were going deeper to get the tracing. She told me it was because the needles in the tattoo gun are closer together. This makes the actual puncture in the skin is a little more sensitive because you have more needles clustered together. I honestly didn't feel any difference whatsoever. The tattoo on my shoulder didn't really hurt as much as the one that I got on my leg when I got that done about six or seven months ago. It was the touching up of the Betty Boop that hurt the most. I thought it wasn't going to be that hard or painful but I was dead wrong. There were some spots where the needle would just touch it and it would shoot me through that area and was very very uncomfortable. I was so close to crying so many times when she was working on my leg. When she was working on my shoulder it totally didn't get to that point. But my leg was a totally different story. At one point I didn't know if I was going to make it the whole time, I thought I might need to take a break and then come back in a little bit just so that I can get through it. When it was done I was very very relieved.
I know, it probably sounds like I'm just being a big baby. Well maybe I am. But for the most part that's just how I felt. I really am impressed by the people who can sit there for hours and get massive amounts of art work done on them. To all of you I raise my glass to you because you are amazing.
Well that's all for now I have to close up shop and go to bed. It is way past my bedtime.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
I also wrote some resolutions for the new year. I am hoping I will be more successful with them then I have been in the past. I want to be able to lose some weight and to work on my business. another goal is for Josh and I to get married. I remember when I was younger I wanted to have a big wedding and everything. Now I can't see how it is realistic to do that due to time and money. Plus that doesn't matter to me anymore. I would be happy with just a small wedding and a fun reception. Nothing fancy or exciting, just us and our friends and family having fun. We shall see. A big part of it too is I want to lose some weight, just cause that is a goal of mine.
Right now we are at Josh's sister's home in Port Orchard. We had sometime to eat and then had a few drinks. After that we played Just Dance on the Wii. I had never tried it before and it was a lot of fun. It kind of reminds me of Dance Dance Revolution only without the pads to step on. Boy was it a workout. I think I might try to get that and make it part of my workout routine during the week. I mean you gotta love dancing.
Then we played some game and waited for the ball to drop. Don't worry we were nice and loud with our noise makers. It was great. Josh and I hugged one another and gave each other a kiss. We promised that this year would be better.
So tomorrow Josh is going to get a tat. This will be his second one within the year. He had one done in April. This time he is getting a tat to tribute his father. It will be very special for him, a way to heal. I will have to let you know how it turns out. I think he is excited. I kind of wish that I could get one too as I like getting tats. I have 2 already and they are awesome. However this is his time and my present to him.
So in closing I wish all the people out there who read my blog (hahaha) Happy New Year! May this year be all that you want and make it to be!!!