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Thursday, March 31, 2011

love and loss

Recently I took over the care of my mom's 13 year old deaf/blind yorkie. He is very important to me and loves me to death. He will search me out and always seems to find me even though he cannot hear me or see me. I had to take him in to get his shots and found out some not so good news. They think he might have kidney failure or disease. They took some blood work and we will know more tomorrow. I am so upset about it. I know and knew that it would happen eventually but just wasn't ready for it right now. There has been so much loss and change in the last year that it just seems to be one more thing to be in sorrow about. I know for him if he is in pain then he needs to be sent back to God but I will miss him. He truly means the world to me because he is so genuine and loving. To know you have such a strong bond with an animal that he can find you where you are!

The frustrating part is I want to cry, I think I need to. There is so much happening and so much hurt and pain and mix of emotion. I am afraid that if I start I won't stop. It would be like opening the flood gates and that scares me. I hate losing control like that and I want to keep it together. I need to for other people's sake I guess. I will start to cry and then it will stop after only a few seconds or whatever. Anyway I will have more information later. This is just really hard for me.

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