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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Bridal Show

Yesterday Josh and I went to the Bridal show at the Firstenburg. It was nice to go to but didn't help much. It was amazing how expensive everything was. I was glad I had already had some good ideas about how I would get things done. Man the cakes were expensive, caterers expensive, locations, etc. You name it those things were expensive. I didn't really get any hints as to anything else that might help me.

So got music figured out, getting great decorations at Michaels and Dollar Store and invitations through email. We are working on location which we will look at Tuesday. Started a guest list but not totally sure if we are finished with that.

Gosh I pray I can stay on track this week.

Rough week

I started off this week feeling pretty darn good. I had gotten a dress, was on my way to figuring out wedding plans. I was also on track with working out and eating better. I guess that kind of went out of the window as the week progressed. It is hard to go into specifics because well this is life and when you blog everything is public. I would be stupid to think that somehow anything I say would be safe from future exploitation. I hate to seem paranoid but better safe than sorry.

At the end of the week I have to tell you I threw all caution out of the window and ate a bit too much. I felt so bad that I had strayed. On top of that I couldn't muster up the energy to work out. I know that is a very lame excuse but it is what I have. I was so mentally and emotionally not to mention physically exhausted I just couldn't do it. When something happens twice in one week, people say I had a right to get all upset. However when I look back at the situation it only makes me worry. Yeah maybe it was expected, but I see it as a personal weakness that I got so upset. I let my guard down at work and that doesn't make me feel any better.

So anyway, needless to say it wasn't a good week. It was a pretty crappy week and one that I don't want repeated. Hopefully the next week will be better.

Monday, January 24, 2011

2nd day of wedding excitement

Ok so I looked at my dress again last night and fell in love again. I then looked at it AGAIN tonight. I have a feeling this will be an every night thing. I just can't believe I have it. I mean a dress just for me that is not cheap. It makes me feel special.

Today I looked at hairstyles> i am going for an updo with a tiara. I am not a big veil person. For shoes, simple flat shoes or maybe ballet like shoes like slippers. There is no way I can do heels! Also I looked at a few places to have it. I need a place inside that is very inexpensive.

Very excited and many things to do.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Said Yes to the Dress

Well today was the first start to getting married. I have been engaged for 6 years and we just decided it was time. If we don't we will come up with excuses after excuses and we will never get married. So many  reasons brought this to a head. My grandpa is 94 years old and helped raise me. I want o make sure he is able to see me walk down and aisle. Secondly I have had a lower self-esteem  in the past and haven't taken good care of myself. I want to change that and not look back.

So here we are. Today I went out with my 3 girlfriends from work. Unfortunately my maid of honor isn't here but in Minnesota but I am communicating with her via text and everything. We went dress shopping. I have to admit at first I was not excited. I was not looking forward to it because I hate look at myself and I hate dresses. It just seemed not that exciting. Plus I always wanted to be thin for my wedding and I am obviously not. But if I wait too long who knows what will happen.

The girls were so excited. We went out to brunch and it was fabulous. The food was amazing which is ironic because here I am looking for dresses and eating a buffet brunch. But I was ok with that. We ate and then made our way to the shop. I wasn't hopeful to find much because first of all dresses are so expensive. I figured we would go to David's Bridal and find something and then look for something somewhere that is the same or close to it.

I like to plan and so before I went I went online at David's Bridal and took out some pictures that I liked of dresses from the website. I walked in with papers in hand and the girls just went for it. They ran over to my size section and started pulling out dresses. It was amazing because they were looking for me and would show me things. I was shocked because I didn't have to do a lot of work on my own. We kept finding dresses. We found I think most of the dresses I had seen on the website and even more. They kept jumping up and down waiting for a room to open up for me. It was so sweet. Yet I wasn't yet excited. I saw all of these beautiful women in thin pretty gowns. I was expecting much.

Once we got back there the game was on. I got a nice strapless bra  that goes partially down to the waist and a slip. After that, it was go for the dresses. We would try one on and then I would come out and get pictures taken. The most amazing part was hearing the oooo's and the awwww's. People were saying I was beautiful. Me? I even had one woman come up to me and tell me how beautiful I looked. I couldn't believe it. A woman I didn't even know telling me how pretty I looked. After that my spirits went up.

I am not big or good at making decisions. I often cave in and go with majority. However, the ladies were awesome at making sure it was all MY decision. I tried on 8 dresses I think. I was shocked at how one look at the mirror and it was "Nope, not this one." Dress number 2,3,4 and 8 were my favorite. Oh man it was tiring but still fun because people were pampering me and smiling and exited. This made me so happy and feeling special. So after I tried on all of them I looked at the four pictures I had of the dresses. I nixed dresses 2 and 3. They were beautiful but just didn't look as good as dress 4 and 8.  Each time I sent a picture to Melissa to update her on what was going on. She was so supportive. So it was down to two dresses. Lisa, Michelle and Teri liked dress number 4 and Melissa liked dress 8. As I looked at the dress and myself I just felt that number 4 was what I wanted. I felt beautiful and loved the way it felt and looked. So boom there we have it.

Now let's talk price. Oh the topic I hate. So this was the LAST day of the Bridal gown special. The two dresses were around the same price and about I think $450 and I got it a lot cheaper than that and it was beautiful. I mean it was awesome and totally in my budget. I was elated and so were the ladies. I thought how lucky I was. Here I thought I would just look and I find a dress the first time looking, in one afternoon and on sale. Lucky me!

As we left I felt so pretty and special. But yet it still hasn't hit me. I mean I keep thinking about it and I felt wonderful but not there yet. As it comes closer I know it will change. In the mean time i need to maintain my workouts and watching what I eat. The ladies have lots of ideas and I am hopeful but still a lot to do... :-)

Sorry guys although I want post a picture I can't, it is a surprise.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Beginning Steps to a Wedding

Well all, tomorrow I make my first initial attempt at starting to get a wedding going. I am going with m friends to look at dresses. I am very excited well kind of. I kind of don't want to see myself in white as I haven't lost much weight but.. it can be exciting too. I hope that I can find something I like and that fits in my budget. I have 3 of my friends coming and then my maid of honor standing by the phone to view the pictures too. My best friend Melissa lives in Minnesota and so she isn't nearby and I really value her opinion. I am nervous. It will be weird to be doing this and not showing Josh what I like. So we will see how it goes.

Right now we are thinking around April to June but haven't pinpointed a location yet. It kind of depends on what we can afford which isn't a lot right now. Next weekend we are going to a bridal show and will see what they have to offer. We just can't go crazy. I already know the color which actually is just one color. Are you supposed to have 2? I just want lavender as it is so beautiful and purple is my favorite anyway. Flowers are going to be bought at Micheal's I think and then getting plates and stuff from Party City. Then I have my Ipod to blast music and have fun with.

This is just bits here and bits there so it will come together. i also think I will send out invitations through the Internet like evite or something.... So much to do but kind of fun.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

what about the sick

So this weekend I was sick, yes that is the second time I have been sick in a period of a month. I started to feel sick on Friday and right after work I went right to bed. I literally was in bed the whole time unless I was up to have something to eat which was not very often. As i was in bed I had an interesting thought, well as interesting as you can have when you are sick and on cold pills. I wondered what do you do when you are sick and cannot workout and keep up your routine?

I guess this question wouldn't haunt me so much if it weren't for that damn Wii. I love the Wii! It is a great way to keep up with your workouts, monitor your weight and keep yourself motivated. I wonder about the motivation part though. I guess you can be motivate if you feel the unrelenting urge to prove to the little damn Wii board that you are not "obese" as he says in his tiny voice. This board person is a wii board with each corner of it serving as either an arm or a leg to make it appear more human. Could it also be motivating when you don't show up on the Wii for three days and it says that it forgot who you are? And aren't I the schmuck who goes back to my profile to make sure I clicked on the right Mii. Haha very funny wi board! You got me, even electronics  can make funnies.

So anyway I am trying to use the Wii more and more to help keep myself honest and on track. I just wish that the wii board would be a bit kinder to me. Maybe instead of saying "that's obese" and my mii hanging her head in shame.... maybe we could say "that's really big boned" and having my mii put her hand on her hip with attitude? At least then we could keep some dignity. But don't get me wrong. I do enjoy using the machine and find it fantastic. I just like to think about the little things. This is what gets me into trouble....

So tonight I bought Just Dance 2 and tried it out. I am excited because this seems like a lot of fun. I can dance and then count my time in my Wii fit program. Maybe later I will buy a workout one and a Zumba one. Go Wii board and your little "that's obese" phrase too!!!!

Nice visit with Grandpa

I was able to see Grandpa this afternoon. When I got there he was sleeping real sound. I thought for a moment about not waking him up. I hadn't seen him the last weekend because of being sick so I needed to say hi. I walked in quietly and had a seat and gently touched his hand. His eyes opened and a smile started to form at the corner of his mouth. It was a joy to see.

I asked him how he was doing.... "Sleeping." was his response with a big laugh. I was very appreciative of his smile and good humor. I showed him a pair of shoes that I bought him over the weekend. When I took them out to put them on he just laughed at me. "I guess I have bigger feet then you thought." he said. "No," I say "I am just not a good judge of shoe size." We both had a chuckle.

He then began telling me about his working out routine. It was great watching him show me how he moves the equipment and what not. I told him I was proud of him and that he needed to keep it up. So after some more chatting and good laughs I promised him I would go back to the drawing board and try to get him some bigger sized shoes.

As I drove away I was comforted to know that he still has the strength and push in him to keep working. There were some days I wasn't sure how far we were going to go. I know he had had another stroke as it had shown in his slowing of his speech. I also knew he was really frustrated with everything and tired as well. However this visit gave me more hope that his attitude has taken a turn for the better. I just like to see him happy, whatever that means for him is what I wish for him. As long as he is happy then I am all right with that.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

still sick

I have been sick since Friday. this means I am getting nothing done. I am miserable and can't even go see grandpa.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Sick again

Well low and behold I am sick yet again. I was sick like 3 weeks or so ago. That is what you get when you work in the education system. No matter how much you prevent it still comes to find you. You just can't get away from it. I feel like crap and I am very irritable too. I got through work today but man I crashed when I got home. So needless to say I didn't get to look at dresses today. Although I have pictures of ones that I like. I was really upset because I was looking forward to it. We will try another time.

I was able to go to Walmart and get some things so that I could feel better. We also picked up a harness for Mia and two collars for Mia and Joey. The coolest one was that we got a little jacket for Mia which is like a few shades of purple. Once I feel better I will put it on her and then take some pictures of it. I think it is going to be adorable.

Anyway I hope that I can kick this faster than I did the last one. I hate being sick and then missing out on m weekends. The other frustrating part is that I wanted to go see my grandfather this weekend. Well I am more reluctant to do so when I am sick. I was able to write him an email and then send it to the social worker. She then printed it out and gave it to him so that he could read it. That makes me feel better and I know that he knows that he isn't alone.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Today's thoughts

Well hello fellow followers, for all those out there that read my blog ahahahaha. I hope that you all enjoy the pictures I put up. I am proud of myself for figuring it out. I am sure that sounds stupid to some of you as many more are more aware of how to blog better than me. You know when I was younger I used to think that what I wrote or said was profound and original. Now I just realize that I was giving myself way too much credit. I think everyone when they are younger wants to think that they are amazing and original well maybe we all are in our own way.

Anyway, today was a good day. Work went well and wasn't too stressful which is all right with me. I need less stress :-) I was able to come home and get to work out a bit. Later tonight I watched "Easy A" which was not painful at all but rather funny. In contrast to that, I am ashamed to admit I am watching Piranha as we speak. I am not hopeful at all. it is kind of watching a train wreck. You know you shouldn't and it is going to be bad but you can't just look away.

So as I believe I have mentioned before, my plan is for Josh and I to get married this year. We are still working on the location and date but have good ideas on what we want for some things. Anyway, I am already looking at dresses and deciding for myself what I like. I am so easily influenced by others that I want things to be of my own choosing. This should be exciting tomorrow. I hope I have a good idea of what I am getting tomorrow. More news to come, stay tuned.....

Just updated my page

I love it!! I put some pics on my page and it looks fantastic :-)

The babies

These are our babies. From left to right there is
Mia 5 yr puggle, Joey 6 yr puggle, Caelyn 5 year lab

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

end of another day

Today was a long day, a bit rough but it is over. Sometimes after a day like today i am so tired it is hard to explain. I feel like I am wiped emotionally, mentally and physically. It makes it hard to do things when I get home because I feel so exhausted.

On the positive side I am trying to get things going with a wedding for Josh and I I am going to look at dresses this week. i will either buy one (has to be low priced) or try to see if I can have one made. We don't have a lot of money so I need to be smart about all of this. I plan to look at dresses by next Monday. So we shall see.

Night Night

too cold

I am at my dr. office. it is around 33 degrees outside. I was going to take the bus home however it is not very likely. I have to take two buses and there is around 30 minute wait time between them. so even though the distance from my dr. isn't that far I am still going to take a taxi. I have Caelyn with me.

Monday, January 10, 2011

New Week

Well today was an all right day. Work was ok but the afternoon kind of dragged on a bit. However the kids worked hard and did a good job.

I came home and emptied the trash, did a load of laundry and unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. After that I got on my Wii and worked out for 30 minutes. It was fun but the aerobic section is limited. Over the Christmas Break I got to play Just Dance on the Wii at Josh's sister's house. It was real fun! I decided I want to get it so that I can just have fun and dance and keep myself moving regularly. I also found out that there is a game for Zumba on the Wii and some more workout ones. So I am kind of excited to get some different kinds so that I can mix it up. The Wii tracks your activities but you can also put in other things you did outside of their own things. I am hoping I can pick up a game soon. Right now I am doing hula hoops, step aerobics and short distance running. I love dancing and so that would be fun. I took danced for around 10 years. I loved everyone minute of it. I wish I could get myself back in shape so that I could do more of it.

Anyway, I am glad that I worked out today. Even though it is just one day, I have to take it one day at a time. If I look too far ahead I can get off track. So each day is a new day to obtain new goals. Unfortunately tonight I haven't been feeling well, kind of been sick. I hope it passes so I am good for work tomorrow.

Sunday, January 9, 2011


Things have been weird lately. I have been really tired and also busy at the same time. Wednesday I was so exhausted I went to bed at like 6pm and slept through the whole night. I don't know what happened, I just couldn't keep my eyes open. Thursday I wasn't feeling well and just kind of zoned out I guess. Friday and Saturday well those went fast and again I was tired. I was thinking of things to write about and I had it down in my head but now for the life of me I cannot remember. Anyway I am trying to keep things going. I think I might be coming down with something.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Beginning Attempt

Ok so today I started my attempt at keeping a workout routine. I am really going to try to maintain working out regularly. It can be so hard sometime "as I am sure everyone says" to keep up with it. I am not a morning workout person so I need to do it after school. This year my energy level is totally depleted by the time I come home. My work is a lot more demanding. This isn't always a bad thing, i love to be challenged. So this is something I need to work on.

So my goal is to lose a few pounds this month. I am trying to keep my goals smaller so that they are more obtainable. So today I started working out. I am using the Wii fit that I have to start out with. I haven't used it in a long time. I decided to begin by doing only 20 or so minutes today. I figured starting out small and then building up so I can build stamina. So all I can do is try to stay positive.

I am also trying to balance out my food intake which in itself is a challenge too. Sometimes I just end up hating food. It is hard to explain why, sometimes I am not even sure why. I am trying to have more water and then increase my fruits and vegetables. I wish I liked that V8 juice that gives you all of those veggies. I can't stand the taste and I have tried.

So there you go, we will see what we see. Ok, at first I thought this was going to be an interesting post. Now I must apologize if you are totally bored. Just a last thought, if there is anyone who reads this, either now or in the future, I want to keep this blog positive. So no negative comments or put downs to anyone who writes or responds or whatever. Negativity isn't good for anyone and doesn't help either person, the one posting it or the one who reads it. Thanks

Monday, January 3, 2011

grandpa birthday visit

I just got home from seeing my grandfather at the rehab center. It was scary at first, because when I went into his room I saw him lying on the bed but his body was covered , like what they do when someone passes away. I walked over to him and I was scared to touch him as I didn't know what happened. I called his name and I finally heard him say something. It turned out that the window was open and it was really cold and he covered his own face. We talked for a good 45 min. or so and I wish him a happy it was really hard to understand him because he talks very slow and I think he starts to get confused as to what he was saying because he forgets it after a while. So we chatted and he told me about his day and how people said happy birthday to him. After a while he was tired and it was time for dinner so I wished him a happy birthday again. So in all it was a pleasant visit, although it didn't start off on a very good note.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

new year day

Yesterday was the first day of January of the year 2011 and one of my presents for Josh was for him to get a tattoo. This isn't just any tattoo it was meant to be a special tattoo just for him to honor the memory of his father who passed away in July. He designed his own tattoo which was a picture of A fish and over the top of it was the word dad and underneath it was his date of birth and his date of death. I'm going to try and post the picture on this website here so you can see it.

So at about one o'clock we headed over to a tattoo place that we went to last time when Josh got his big Dragon tattoo. This time we got someone else to do his tattoo and he decided to have it put on his upper left part of his shoulder.

I was trying to get a video of it but he was self-conscious so I just took some pictures. I'm not quite sure how long the whole process took for him maybe it was in an hour. or it Yesterday was the first day of January of the year 2011 and one of my presents for Josh was for him to get a tattoo. This isn't just any tattoo it was meant to be a special tattoo just for him to honor the memory of his father who passed away in July. He designed his own tattoo which was a picture of A fish and over the top of it was the word dad and underneath it was his date of birth and his date of death. I'm going to try and post the picture on this website here so you can see it.

So at about one o'clock we headed over to a tattoo place that we went to last time when Josh got his big Dragon tattoo. This time we got someone else to do his tattoo and he decided to have it put on his upper left part of his shoulder. It seems longer but that's because I was having not such of a great day. I been sick all day and I'm not sure what caused it. I wasn't sure if maybe the food from the night before caused it or maybe the Starbucks coffee I had caused it. However I was feeling really sick so it seemed like it was taking forever. As the process continued Josh stayed calm and handled it very well. He said that at some times he wouldn't even feel anything but then other times it was really sensitive and really hurt. When it was finished it looked really really good.

After he was done his sister Jamie had remarked on how good it looked and she indicated she really liked the writing that was above the fish and the writing that was below the fish. So her and Josh talked about it and she asked him if it would be okay if she took the writing from his tattoo and had that part placed over the picture of her tattoo which is of a Tweetie bird. Josh's dad really liked Tweety Bird so she wanted that writing around it as another memorial to him. Josh had no problem with that and so she went in right after him and got going.

Originally I wanted to get another tattoo with him at the same time but Josh told me back then that he wanted it to be a private occasion. So I decided to wait on that. But then after he had talked to Jamie, I asked if it would to be okay if I got another tattoo. I wanted to make sure that he was perfectly okay with it before I even thought about doing it. He said that would be okay and so I decided that I would get another tattoo. Earlier we had shown Ann, who's the owner, a tattoo of Betty Boop that I got last time. Everyone always commented that she looked a lot darker than she normally should be. So we asked her if she could redo the color. She looked at it and was surprised it was so dark. She then said that she wouldn't charge anything to fix it. Which was quite a relief for us.

Previously to this I always thought that I'd want to get a Chinese or Japanese symbol for the word teacher because that's kind of how I see myself. But as time went on I began wondering if there was another symbol or something else that might resemble closer to how I view myself. When I got there and started thinking about the new year, since it was January first, I thought about things that I should be doing for myself or things that are dear to me. I looked through the symbols that they had and found the symbol for the word balance. It was a two shaped tattoo and was very appealing to me somehow. I thought that would be a good choice for me because this year I really want to work on balancing my life.

As I was getting the tattoo done on my upper right shoulder, I thought maybe it would be cool to have the symbol outlined in black and then on the inside be filled with purple. I love purple, it's my favorite color, and so it just seems natural to fill it with purple as a way to symbolize balance with the things that I love.

As I was getting the tattoo done it was really similar to what Josh said. Sometimes it would feel like nothing was being done to me, and then sometimes there would be this one spot where, when it was touched, would just shoot pain up in my shoulder. They say that when you get a tattoo, the tracing, which is the outline, that always hurts the most but then the actual filling in of the tattoo doesn't hurt as much. I asked Ann what exactly that meant and why that was. I thought maybe it was because the needles were going deeper to get the tracing. She told me it was because the needles in the tattoo gun are closer together. This makes the actual puncture in the skin is a little more sensitive because you have more needles clustered together. I honestly didn't feel any difference whatsoever. The tattoo on my shoulder didn't really hurt as much as the one that I got on my leg when I got that done about six or seven months ago. It was the touching up of the Betty Boop that hurt the most. I thought it wasn't going to be that hard or painful but I was dead wrong. There were some spots where the needle would just touch it and it would shoot me through that area and was very very uncomfortable. I was so close to crying so many times when she was working on my leg. When she was working on my shoulder it totally didn't get to that point. But my leg was a totally different story. At one point I didn't know if I was going to make it the whole time, I thought I might need to take a break and then come back in a little bit just so that I can get through it. When it was done I was very very relieved.

I know, it probably sounds like I'm just being a big baby. Well maybe I am. But for the most part that's just how I felt. I really am impressed by the people who can sit there for hours and get massive amounts of art work done on them. To all of you I raise my glass to you because you are amazing.

Well that's all for now I have to close up shop and go to bed. It is way past my bedtime.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year

The time has come to put the past behind us and to focus on the time ahead. To clear our hearts and minds of the bad and hurtful and to open them up to the good that is all around us. Tonight before the new year started, I wrote some letters and then burned them. It is supposed to cleanse your heart and soul and mind. What you do is write letters to whomever you need or want to. Then when the time comes you take those letters and burn them up. This takes all the stuff you wrote and puts it into the universe to help cleanse yourself and to start anew. I have never done it before but I thought I would try since this year has been so trying for all of us. It was weird writing down my notes to people, getting out anything and everything I needed to say and then seeing those words be consumed and then go up in flames. It did make me feel better.

I also wrote some resolutions for the new year. I am hoping I will be more successful with them then I have been in the past. I want to be able to lose some weight and to work on my business. another goal is for Josh and I to get married. I remember when I was younger I wanted to have a big wedding and everything. Now I can't see how it is realistic to do that due to time and money. Plus that doesn't matter to me anymore. I would be happy with just a small wedding and a fun reception. Nothing fancy or exciting, just us and our friends and family having fun. We shall see. A big part of it too is I want to lose some weight, just cause that is a goal of mine.

Right now we are at Josh's sister's home in Port Orchard. We had sometime to eat and then had a few drinks. After that we played Just Dance on the Wii. I had never tried it before and it was a lot of fun. It kind of reminds me of Dance Dance Revolution only without the pads to step on. Boy was it a workout. I think I might try to get that and make it part of my workout routine during the week. I mean you gotta love dancing.

Then we played some game and waited for the ball to drop. Don't worry we were nice and loud with our noise makers. It was great. Josh and I hugged one another and gave each other a kiss. We promised that this year would be better.

So tomorrow Josh is going to get a tat. This will be his second  one within the year. He had one done in April. This time he is getting a tat to tribute his father. It will be very special for him, a way to heal. I will have to let you know how it turns out. I think he is excited. I kind of wish that I could get one too as I like getting tats. I have 2 already and they are awesome. However this is his time and my present to him.

So in closing I wish all the people out there who read my blog (hahaha) Happy New Year! May this year be all that you want and make it to be!!!